Remie's Rant: Growth and the Fight to Stay Free

Are you ready to discover the power of personal growth through the lens of two individuals deeply influenced by their past experiences with the American criminal justice system? Join your host, Remie Jones, as he takes you through personal experiences, lessons learned, and the journey towards self-improvement and reconstruction. He'll also dig into other stories to inspire and motivate you to explore your own path of personal growth. 

We all know that life after prison is a struggle. The journey is filled with obstacles, but it's also a chance for growth and transformation. In this episode, we'll share personal instances where we were confronted with choices that could have potentially led us back to prison. We'll be opening up about how we navigate these challenges, emphasizing the need to learn from mistakes, taking responsibility for actions, and understanding the importance of patience and support from loved ones during this transformational process. 

Finally, we'll discuss how personal growth has the power to influence every aspect of our lives. We'll share how learning from past mistakes and impulsive decisions has led us to make better choices for ourselves and our families. We'll also discuss the importance of setting goals and understanding that failure is a part of growth. Furthermore, we'll stress the value of giving back and how it has become a crucial part of our self-improvement journey. So, join us in this conversation on growth, change, and personal development as we navigate this complex life post-prison.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:19

Welcome to Lockdown the Legacy stories from the inside out. I'm your host, remy Jones.

Speaker 2: 0:25

And I'm co-host Debbie Jones. We are a husband and wife team here to bring you the real life stories, experiences and questions around the American criminal justice system. We do advise discretion with this podcast. I think we should put that out there first and foremost. Yes, we are going to talk about experiences that happen inside the prison system, outside of prison systems. We will use language that might be offensive, but we intend to keep it real. And if that's not for you, we totally understand, but please do what's best for your listening ears.

Speaker 1: 0:56

Oh, we're about to keep it real, son. Our goal of this podcast is to share the inside realities of the American prison and criminal justice system, from pre-charges all the way to post-release, from the voices of those who've experienced it firsthand, including me.

Speaker 2: 1:12

That's right, we're going to get into it.

Speaker 3: 1:31

Welcome back to another episode of Lockdown the Legacy. Everybody, I am your host, remy Jones the great, by the way, don't feel ashamed. If you want to add that, that's very welcome. But today I'm here for another episode and I'm by myself Shout out to DJ.

Speaker 3: 1:51

She had some work stuff, some school stuff to take care of, but you know what I mean. I like to keep it loose and simple. So first updates, holidays, thanksgiving's past. It was great Only in the sense that I really didn't celebrate it. My kids decided to go to grandparents' house for holidays, so I was very thankful for some free time.

Speaker 3: 2:22

I worked on Thanksgiving. I worked on Black Friday. I came home from work and took DJ out. We went to dinner. We decided to go out. We had to cook nothing, we had to clean up. It was awesome, awesome, let me tell you. Came home and just chilled Power, got into PJs and watched some TV. It was the most chill Thanksgiving ever. Man, definitely going to consider that next year, plus work. They was like welcome back.

Speaker 3: 2:55

Looking out and working on a holiday, they get to talking figures and I'm like there, I need a part of that. All of that, I need it. But, like DJ said, I'm probably the only person that think in dollar figures. That's just me. But Christmas is coming up. I don't really do holidays. That's not my thing. It never happened.

Speaker 3: 3:22

I wasn't raised for doing holidays, so I just kind of flowed over into my adulthood. My kids love it, my wife loves it, so we actually decided to switch it up. This year we're going to look into doing Hanukkah just to get some cultural diversity, and Hanukkah is not, I'm sorry, not Hanukkah. Kwanzaa Kwanzaa is not a religious holiday, so that's really something that interests me too. My kids expose that. I really hate the commercialism when it comes to a lot of these holidays, especially Christmas. I hate my kids to grow up just thinking about me what am I going to get? Am I going to get the latest, biggest, best toy or game system or whatever? So I want them to do something that's more nurturing, more caring for others, especially less fortunate, and stuff like that. So that's what we're doing this year. You know I'm going to let y'all know how I go, so you ain't even got to worry about that. Don't nobody come ask me how I went. Don't nobody come bash me for not doing the Christmas thing. It's just something new.

Speaker 3: 4:42

So, speaking of something new, I actually wanted to do this episode about growth and the fight to stay free, and this actually came to me based off of some recent events, and it was like the most benign like. You could have easily overlooked the situation, but for some reason it really resonated with me. And that situation was I was at work, it was the end of my work day and I had pulled up to the gas station to get some gas in my semi truck at Tispeway and many dudes just pull up and like I don't know some little SUV. And they like hey, what's up, bro, you got an iPhone. So I already know this ain't about to be good. I'm from the streets, bro, you don't approach me like that unless you got some weird going on. So they hold up this iPhone in a box. It's brand new. It's brand new, man, how much you give me for it. So I'm like, bro, I'm cool. And they kept going like give me 700. I'm like, bro, I ain't got it. Man, give me 500, like I ain't got it, bro, I'm cool, man. These dudes went all the way down to $200 for brand new iPhone 15 Pro or Pro Max, whatever it was, I don't know. But I'm sitting here thinking in my head like $200, bro, I know that's hot, it's stolen or something. Either way, I'm cool. So I really had to tell these dudes like man, yo get up on my face, man, I'm cool.

Speaker 3: 6:30

And as soon as I got back in my truck, you know they drove off, you know whatever they got that attitude. But as soon as I got back in my truck I called my wife and I was like yo, you know, I ain't even owned like probation or nothing, no more. But it's crazy how I still think like any little thing could send me back to prison. You know, I did 10 years in prison, like my oldest daughter's 11. And I just explained to her last week like the importance of you know telling the truth and you know not taking stuff. This year it's because, like, I learned these lessons the hard way and I don't hide that from my kids, so for real, like 10 years of my life missing, like everything is suspicious to me. I ain't letting no one trick me off the streets, you know, and that's something that my brother had told me like when he came home from prison. He was like yo, I ain't letting nobody trick me off the streets, no more and that kind of like resonated with me.

Speaker 3: 7:32

So also, probably like just a few days prior to this man, I was talking to one of my dudes that he's been having some trouble, you know. Like you know, he's been out by the same amount of times with me, so about five years, and he's been back to prison about five times. That's what I was talking to him and the first thing he said to me was like man, I shouldn't even be in here for this. And I was thinking he was about to say some real, responsible shit. Like damn, he had a mode of clarity and if he was like at the most, this should just be received and stolen property, like they didn't hit me with some, you know, like robbery and shit. And I'm like bruh, if that's the only lesson you got out of this is like that's the only thing you thinking about is I shouldn't be in here, it should be received and stolen property instead of robbery. Like you obviously don't get the message. Like you ain't learned the lesson, you know, I told him like it's no situation that I allow myself to be in and where I would even be receiving, knowingly receiving stolen property, like what the fuck you know, and so at that point he just pretty much ain't wanna talk to me no more. But I kept at it and I was like bruh, like what you need? Like what do you need to succeed? Like I'm trying to help and he kinda had a little breakdown moment, like man, I do need help. But then, I don't know, just radio silence, like he ain't wanna talk, no more, and I ain't talked to him since. So I've been a few weeks and I'm like damn, like it really takes a tremendous amount of growth and you really gotta fight for your freedom even after you're free, you know, which is something that I do on a daily.

Speaker 3: 9:24

So when I talk about growth man, I talk about like I knew that I had to start changing before I even got out of prison. So I went to prison. I was young, I was 19,. I was angry, you know, and I too had that same mind state of like blame everybody else. I was in prison. You know I ain't even get caught for what I did.

Speaker 3: 9:42

I was in prison because somebody told on me I was in prison because blah, blah, blah and slowly that growth started coming in. You know, I started hanging out with a whole bunch of older dudes, guys, doing way more time than me, and you know it got to that point where I explained to my mom like listen, I know you tore up over me having this 10 year sentence, but it could be worse. You know I got away with a lot of stuff. I ain't get caught for it, and if I would have been sentenced for all that, who knows how much time I would have, you know. So you know that growth slowly grew on me. It slowly started coming in. It's the play, and it wasn't overnight, man. I could tell you that for sure. I could tell you for sure that. You know I broke a lot of hearts romantically and you know, family, friends, whatever. I broke a lot of hearts. I had a lot of people that supported me because I had these nuggets, these seas.

Speaker 3: 10:35

You know of change and I ain't get it right on the first time. You know I was trying to shit trial and error. I was doing it by myself, really, and I was learning the dudes that I did have examples. They was dudes in prison with me. I'm learning from their stories and stuff, you know. So I got him rolling along the way, man, and you know, shout out to those people who had patience with me and shout out to the people who didn't Like. You know I'm sorry for everything I did. That didn't really go the right way. But you know, along the way, like once, I really started noticing the change. Like it was small stuff, man. It was all small stuff, like waking up early, not sleeping in you know, working out, going to work, going to school, like before prison.

Speaker 3: 11:22

I haven't had a job that I held down for more than four months. You know, Like literally every job I had was like three months, four months, you know, four months, three months a month. I had a job. I quit after I got my first paycheck, like man, fuck y'all, I'm out. So I really didn't have that sense of responsibility.

Speaker 3: 11:44

But I had people that always said that they saw something in me, they saw my potential, and I really thought they was being crazy. I thought they was about to get churchy preachy. You know something. I really wasn't open to it but, like I said, these small seeds, they just kept coming, they kept coming and I would be like damn, I made a lot of promises. Promises is something that really guided me because I was like man, I want to do this, I want to do that and I want to make up for everything I did. And I wrote them all down.

Speaker 3: 12:15

I think that's something that was really kind of relatively unique is that a lot of people make promises and forget about it. I don't even remember the words they said, but I would make promises and I would write them down and I would just start imagining. You know, in prison, a lot of what keeps you going is hope and imagination. Really, like, you plan shit out with your family, you plan shit out with your significant other. So I made promises to my girlfriend at the time like yo, when I come home, I'm gonna be this type of person for you. You know you deserve this. I'm gonna do that, I'm gonna take you here and I'm gonna get this and I'm gonna go back to school and all this other stuff. And you know, we eventually broke up, but I still could go back and look at all of the promises I made and all of the ideas I had of who I wanted to be, what I wanted to be, what I wanted to do, where I wanted to go. And so, even after we broke up, I was like yo, this is somebody I like. This personal paper is somebody I like and this is gonna keep me free.

Speaker 3: 13:16

So I slowly started making these changes. So I say all that to say now I'm really proud of who I am. You know I'm not the best person, but I try to be. You know, in everything I'm trying to help somebody else. So, like this podcast, mentoring, consultation, like, even if it's something like I do a lot of stuff off the record. You know I don't lend money, so sorry if y'all looking for that to be that's not something I do, but I am the type of person that it's not saying I don't give money, cause my dad always gave me this advice. Man, it's another thing that stuck with me, so I'm gonna pass this nugget on. He said if you can afford to give the money, just give it. Like, don't loan nobody money. And I'm a real cheap dude, that's something else that I get from my dad. I will gladly help somebody out if I feel like it's a worthwhile cause.

Speaker 3: 14:25

I even had like my niece. My niece called me one day. This was a year ago. My niece called me. She was like yo, I'm in the tight spot, I need like 50 bucks for gas and stuff for the week. She's like I get it back to you. I was like listen, don't worry about it. Like I'm gonna give you this $50. Cause I see, you know she was doing some good stuff and I appreciate that. So I'm like here. She was like no, no, no, listen, I'll pay it back. And so I stopped her. I cut her off and I was like listen, as soon as you tell me that you gonna give me some money on a certain day or at a certain time, I'm looking for you, bro, I'm looking for my money. So, to avoid all of that, you know me hitting you up on Friday somewhere in the late afternoon or early evening and you telling me a story about how you ain't got my stuff, i'ma just give it to you. You know, we gonna save this relationship, we gonna save this. Leave this door open for something in the future, because I would hate to ruin it over something that I didn't need back anyway. But it's about the principle, it's about your word, you know. Um, so I don't know, I'm randomly, but that's the type of man I am now. I was like I'll just give you something. I don't care if it's like the shirt off my back. I give it to you, you know, because I feel like I'm doing pretty good in life. Man, I never hit all of my goals. Like everybody know, I always talk about. I make outrageous goals and I never hit all of them. So anybody that's looking from the outside and like yo, he's doing really good and he's doing amazing, I appreciate it. But just know that I failed a lot. But in failing I didn't fail, like I kept going. You know I didn't hit the mark, but I hit close, and close is a lot better than what some other people doing, a lot better than I was, so I'm proud of that, you know.

Speaker 3: 16:27

Even going back to how I eventually opened this I mean I initially opened this is like being able to see like yo, this is a setup and these dudes is trying to sell me some hot gear you know they trying to sell me some stolen property and not to mention that. But like I knew it was growth, when all the things I was thinking about some of them didn't even have anything to do with freedom. Like I was, like I'm sitting here in my work uniform, like everything that I do right now will reflect the company. So I find up getting in some trouble. Like I ain't got a job, no more. I got a career, you know. I got you know health benefits and life insurance and you know 401ks and pensions and all this other stuff. And I got a whole house that I bought and I got, you know, reputation to keep. So buying a stolen iPhone like ain't worth it for real, you know. And so like I try to give that message to everybody. I keep in touch with some people in prison and that's just on a strength. You know, mentoring, that I do just for the sake of doing it, cause you know it's people I love, it's people I care about.

Speaker 3: 17:39

I'm like bro, you really gotta change up how you think. You know that old saying like you change the way you look at things, the things you look at, and start to change. You know, like I remember being a dude, like as soon as I get some money, I got to go buy a car with some rims. I got some clothes. I'm like I need a gun. Like you know, I'm gonna get some bottles. You know we're gonna drink, we're gonna smoke, we're gonna be out here, we're gonna let everybody know like we got it. And now I'm like I got some money. Okay, I got any debt I need to pay off. Like you know, I don't even like that. That's one of the good things that I brought with me from the streets. It's like I don't like own nobody nothing. You know I don't want nobody own me nothing.

Speaker 3: 18:21

But you know, I'm always thinking about my family. Like my family, I built a family and that's one of the things that I like to say is a part of my success. He had bought a house. That was a great milestone. It was an exceptional thing that I did.

Speaker 3: 18:36

Not a lot of people in my family, or even homeowners Like, yeah, I got a career. That's not something that a lot of people in my family can say that they are half. You know, you can have a long time job that don't make it a career, but that's something that I cherish and I defend. You know, I protect but my family, like I do anything for my family and I could say that that was something that I always felt. But I have the level of growth to make the right decisions. You know, I used to make real impulse decisions Like yo damn my family fucked up. I'm fucked up, like I'm gonna go out here and do whatever I gotta do. You know, whoever that put in my sights, whatever, you know, that's day-loss. I gotta come up.

Speaker 3: 19:24

And now you know I'm out here like I wish people would have told me, like the power of networking, the power of having a good reputation, the power of being a genuine person, a good person, a trustworthy person, you know, because I mean it's plenty opportunities that I had where you know. Like there was one time I got fired. You know I got fired from a job. This is after I got out but I had already built such a good reputation, everything that you know. I ain't really have to worry about like not getting another job or something you know, because, like I had confidence going into a job interview to not beg for the job or to have a good resume, good referrals, stuff like that to where you know, even though I mean I'm not gonna say that you know, even though I mean shit, I got some jobs I wouldn't even qualify for. I ain't never done this shit in my life but I went in with confidence like yo, I'm gonna learn this, I'm gonna learn it quick. Like check my resume, check my referrals and stuff. Like you're not gonna be let down, I'm not gonna. I'm gonna protect you the same way I protect my family. I'm not gonna put you in a tight spot. I'm not putting myself in a tight spot. So I don't know.

Speaker 3: 20:53

I had a lot of growth man, especially in milestones. As far as life, like my whole life fits in. Five years since I've been out of prison, before that I ain't have a job for real. Before that I didn't own anything. So my first two years, two years out of prison, I bought my house, you know. Two years out of prison, I got married. Two years out of prison, two years out of prison, I had my first child.

Speaker 3: 21:20

You know, like it's a lot of milestones, like big life events that I had really in the last five years, but mainly in the first two and having that amount of like explosive growth came first from being like I had tunnel vision, like I knew what I wanted. And that's really what people gotta do is like first figure out what you want. Better is not a thing. So when you're like man, I just want better, I just want more, like that's not a thing, fuck that. Don't even say it. It's not worth saying Like you gotta want X, y and Z and you gotta be willing to do X, y and Z for it and it has to have, you know, a specific timeline or date by you know to get it accomplished. So I had that. That was great.

Speaker 3: 22:10

And coming from a place like coming from prison, where you don't get anything, you're conditioned to not stand out, you're conditioned to not accomplish. Yeah, they want you to do programs. That's just a part of the program. But they don't want you to stand out, they don't want you to do too much, you know. So when I first came home and I started realizing like I got a little basic job I was making like five hours a week I was like man, that's cool. Then I got another job I was making like 1,100 a week I was like damn, this shit, all right, it was getting paid weekly I was like hell. Yeah, you know, I bought a car. I paid that off. I bought a motorcycle. I paid that off for a couple months. You know I was like okay.

Speaker 3: 23:01

Well, each one of those little things was like major milestones to me. I ain't never when it walked in nowhere and got financed, man, you know, I bought my bike, got to finance and they gave me some high ass interest rate because I ain't had no credit. But when I bought my car I walked out of there with the lowest interest rate possible. I done negotiated the car down. You know I done paid it off like super quick. So in my mind these is like wins. That's growth.

Speaker 3: 23:30

Because you know I used to ride around and, like you know, a crackhead rental, like you know, go to neighborhood if you ain't in. But you know something like that I give you like 20 bucks, let me borrow your car for the whole day, you know, probably keep it for two or three, have them looking for me, you know. So now I'm like, damn, this is cool. Like I'm riding around, I got insurance, license, everything like my address, legit everything. So it became addictive. Like growth was addictive for me and I always try to relate this to like people that's in the streets, people that's in the joint.

Speaker 3: 24:09

Like you know, on episode one and I think you guys heard me say like the first rule it is is to have the same mentality you had in the streets. You had a fucking mentality in the streets. You ain't let nobody tell you no or you can't. When you was in the streets you gotta bring that level of competitiveness and I don't give a fuck to you know, growth and success Like people gonna tell you no, people gonna close doors on you. You can't be like man, I knew I shouldn't have tried this shit anyway, can't do it, you'll never make it, you know.

Speaker 3: 24:43

You know I started my business at the behest of DJ, like that's my rock man. When I started talking about what I wanted to do, she was like all right, let's do it like pull down a laptop and help me start my business right then and there, like that woman is amazing. But I had to sit down and do some real soul searching and understand that starting a business don't mean I'm gonna be rich, especially not tomorrow. I mean on average. On average, new businesses don't become profitable for the first two to three years. So it was a slow grind.

Speaker 3: 25:24

For real it was a thing of passion and that passion sometimes I get distracted, sometimes I'm not passionate at all, I'm only made it and I apologize to all of y'all who feel like I'm in a groove and then I disappear. Sometimes I lose that spark, sometimes I get caught up in that whole fast, shiny objects thing. It's the side effect from the past. But I never give up, man. I never stop because I love this and I love the growth and the plateau. I'm telling you that's really kind of part of the whole reason why I pulled back and disappeared for a minute, and it should be the opposite. But to hit a plateau is depressing to me. Like I said, I had a lot of growth, explosive growth, in the first few years. So to feel like a plateau is like, and I really I fight off that depression a lot, but I never go back to making those bad choices.

Speaker 3: 26:33

Robbery, drug sales, any of that. Like I told y'all, I cut a friend off if they bring that around me. And luckily I got a few good friends, like solid friends. They once that if I even brought something like that up and one of them he was still kind of in the streets, but if I was to bring it up to him I'm thinking about doing this or that. And he knows some bullshit. He knows something that, like he, one of my biggest praisers like he seen my praisers, like man dude, was like a legend in the streets, which I wasn't, by the way, but that's how he see me, so whatever. So he was like man, he was a legend in the streets. Man, he did this, he did that, but man, he doing X, y and Z, man I'm real proud of bro. And he had tell me to my face like man, I'm proud of you. Man, you did what we couldn't, you did what I could, whatever.

Speaker 3: 27:25

And even that is motivation. It's motivation that's also humbling. Like he told me. He looked up to me one time.

Speaker 3: 27:30

I was like, damn, bro, like he, like three months younger than me, we came up together here, but it's really like if I was to bring that up to him like yo, I need some money, Like I'm thinking about doing this or that, like he would like smack me upside the head like no, the fuck you not. And that's what I want. I want to know. Yes, man, I want to know like, oh, I know a lick over here, like none of that, you know, like people with nothing but positivity, even if they got something going on in their life. Like nothing but positivity, man, and that's another thing you got to have. It's like a support system. So when I look at things weird I promise I do, and DJ wasn't wrong when she said I look at everything in terms of money.

Speaker 3: 28:28

So when I look at relationships, any type of relationship family, friends, romantic relationships, anything I always assign a value to them. That's my thing. I look at relationships. It's kind of like a stock market of sorts and I tell people all the time like I'm here in your life for you to use me as well as you in mine. If I can't use you, you are useless and therefore I will terminate this relationship. And that sounds cold. It sounds really cold. But it's not Because when I say use you, I don't mean like misuse you. I'm here to be used. Don't misuse me Because, for real, I'm one of your biggest supporters, I'm one of your biggest resources. Don't misuse me If I can't come to you for sound advice, if I can't come to you to make me laugh, if I can't come to you to be a beacon, an example, a mentor, whatever it is, if I can't come to you. Sometimes I might be on hard times about you. All need to borrow some money. You ain't got to lend me the money.

Speaker 3: 29:47

You ain't got to give me the money, even if you could be like I know of X, y and Z places that you can go to get money legit. It ain't gonna be a whole bunch, but it'll get you closer to where you need to be. That's something good and I assign a value to that. If you one of those people that be like I'm fucked up, I'm in a bad head space, I'm calling your phone and you don't answer. I text you, you don't answer. A couple days, a few days go by, you don't respond. I'm one of those people that I'm big on reciprocity. So you be like, damn, he acting funny. Just know that you act funny first and your stock value don't went down, you know. But to switch gears, man, get off of that. Let's get back over these milestones, right? So I be finding like I don't know, it's kind of like getting old. Like you know people be joking, like you know you old. When you know you started thinking about this, you start finding value in that. Like it's some stuff in my life where I legit be like, damn, I don't know if I'm old or if I'm just like my perspective changed and yeah, I value certain stuff. So I'm like I'm not gonna be like, yeah, I value certain stuff, but I know I'm growing. I know I'm, you know, because there's certain stuff that excite me and I shouldn't excite anybody. Like I buy Apple products and when they come I really appreciate how they packaged that, like that's weird. But I felt a level of growth and responsibility to even today I had an appointment for somebody to come out and give me a quote on remodeling my bathroom, my master bathroom, and my wife at work, my kids at school. Dudes show up, we talking about it and now I done got so much into the technical side of it because I was gonna do it myself. You know I'm not the most handy dude but I get in there and do some stuff. But I got so caught up in conversation with the dude just on the technical stuff, like what kind of materials y'all using? Like what's the lifespan of that? Like how long do I got to do this? What chemicals can I use to clean it? Like we sitting here chatting it up. The dude was supposed to have like a 20 minute meeting and he didn't been here in my house for an hour, you know. So when he leave, man, I was walking him out the door like he was an old friend Like all right, yeah, bro, hey, listen, I'm gonna get you a call, man, cause we gonna do this and that and blah, blah, blah. He didn't gave me an extra discount and all kinds of stuff. Man, this is crazy.

Speaker 3: 32:32

But once again, like you change the way you look at things, the things you look at it start to change. Like I'm sitting here thinking about like, getting my master bathroom done, picking out patterns and materials and like how much value would this add to my house and stuff. Like this is crazy, you know. And it remind me I really wanted to call my dad because it's something. This is kind of small. I was like you know, I want my bathroom, we done whatever you know, but to me it's huge.

Speaker 3: 33:09

Like I had a conversation with my dad before this is probably like once again around the one and a half two year mark at me being out of prison and I called my dad and I was like man, I'm real proud of myself, but I don't say that too often, I'm always hard on myself, like I gotta do more. But I was like when I was 15, I told my dad that I used to have this dream over and over, and I'm talking about like once a week at least, I would have this dream to where I couldn't imagine my life past the ages of 19. I don't know why it was that number, but like I would basically plan my life out in my dreams Like you know, man, you know, when I'm 18, I'm gonna do this, and when I'm, but at 19, all of a sudden, like I would just wake up, no matter what time of the night it was, I'd just wake up. I couldn't see my life past 19. To the point where I had this dream so much that I would consciously be like yo, I gotta finish this dream, I gotta see what happened after 19. And interesting enough, man, I've turned 19 and I went to prison for 10 years.

Speaker 3: 34:24

So I ended up having this conversation with my dad Like man, do you remember that? Like I told you about it, he got mad. You know he was like man, you gotta stop. You know you gotta stop thinking like that, you know. And I'm like I just can't. I don't know if I die, I don't know what happened at 19, but I can't see past that. So I was like man, you remember he was like yeah, man, I remember that. I was like I don't really believe in like clairvoyance or nothing like that. But I don't know if that was a sign or not, but basically my life ended at 19. At 19, life as I knew it, I would say. And when I came home it was a totally different life. So essentially I was starting a new life. I really nowadays I don't even think about my life before prison because it really don't really matter to me much. I mean, it don't contribute anything you know definitive to my adult life as far as responsibility and stuff. So I'm like man.

Speaker 3: 35:30

I went from not being able to see myself alive or living past age at 19, not really finding any purpose in my life, to being able to just make goals and just terrorize them Like I wish people would have told me it's not easy but if you work hard like, you can do it. And that's some stuff you see on, like Nike commercials and shit. Like nobody really related that to my life. And I told him, like man, I can't believe I got stuff that I thought was only available to rich white folks and this ain't about race or nothing like that. But that's really how I thought growing up you know being relatively poor, because that's how it's conditioned to think. So I'm like man, I got a fully funded 401k. I got, you know, I got stocks and bonds and all this stuff that I just trade, you know, just cause in my free time, you know, I'm making a little money on it. You know, I'm making a good money at work.

Speaker 3: 36:42

Not only did I buy a car, a new car, which really I never even knew how to do, but I paid it off. I bought a new motorcycle I pre-ordered it, I paid it off. So I'm like you know, how did this become my life in such a short amount of time? Like this is foreign to me. Like, but it's addictive, man, I'm ready to do it. Unfortunately, it was too addictive. Like for real, I bought, like I've been out five years, bought five cars or five vehicles, you know. So it's like, eh, I should probably slow down, but it's that growth. Like I like that, you know, feeling of growth.

Speaker 3: 37:23

And once again I got to give a shout out to all the dudes that was on that summer legacy series. You know, big Rock, j Love. You know, like dudes that really paved the way that they never did before prison. You know, like it's totally opposite to what they had going on. I mean, look at Jeremy Woods. Like that dude was amazing man. Like he come home, he used the talent that he learned in prison to then come home and start a business doing art. You know, and Like, if that wasn't good enough, like selling art for a pretty good, nice price. Man like Exceptional value. Or you know, like quality, he went on to making jewelry. You know, like People where we come from don't make jewelry like legit jewelry. I'm talking like no, you know beaded bracelets and stuff like Doos making like gemstone and precious metal jewelry, like stuff that could be put in like the jewelry store that you see. You know I ain't talking about the little boots in the mall like dudes putting on quality.

Speaker 3: 38:39

So when I shout out these guys, I'm doing it because, like, they're paving away for other people like me, like us, who before prison, before this life experience and this new trajectory, didn't think it was possible for people like us, you know. So big shout out to them and that's all I'm trying to do is like I'm, I'm learning as I go, I'm flying by the seat of my pants, but that's all we all doing for you. But in the process, Like I wouldn't people, it's gonna like, wait until I'm all the way at the end height. So success. To then try to throw somebody her how to do it, and I understand for some people like that's a turnoff. I'm one of those people that, like yo, I Just and I have been, I've been doing it this whole time.

Speaker 3: 39:24

Like when my cousin came home, he was my first mentor and he put me on game like yo, this, how you build your credit, that's what you're gonna want to do if you want to get in the real estate, that's what you're gonna do if you want to get into, you know, your own business. Like he's. He put me on game all the way up by credit. Once I did it, credit was jumping boom like 680. I mean 780. You know I'm like boom, I Want the people like yo, let me help you, because I'm going in buying cars and they give me the lowest at a low, like you know. Like that's how I am. Like I'm gonna, as I get there, I'm gonna play. Yo, I for you know I cleared this little way and this legit and obviously, you see, if it works my way, me, let me show you.

Speaker 3: 40:11

Some people be suspicious about that. Like, yeah, right, and you probably did something crooked, whatever. But I go just tell you, I will show you like I'm a living example, this and so you know, shout out to them, do again like they are walking beacons, man, they are the shining lights to people to be like, damn, I can do that too. Like people where I'm from can do that. Like you ain't need a million dollars to start a business and make profit. You know, like I said, you might not be rich but I Could pay all my bills. And you know, going on a vacation, yeah, I can go out for a nice dinner and I ain't got a word about it. Like so I mean, it's a pretty good life to just not have to worry.

Speaker 3: 41:01

I ain't got a look on my shoulder when the police pull me over, like, yeah, I'm still black, so I still got a little bit, I still got something to worry about, but for the most part it's like I ain't in the old stolen car, I got license, I got insurance, I got registration, I got all this stuff. Like so I mean, hell, like when I have my, my civic SI that's the car I bought and paid off from just like a year, my first car that I bought brand new. Um, when I bought it and went to get it registered. I put like five or six year tags. I still got them tags. They ain't expired yet.

Speaker 3: 41:34

You know I end up getting pulled over going down the highway doing like 90 and a 70 and the trooper just walked up to me like yeah, I don't need anything except your license. Like I already seen your tags and you know everything was a jet. I just need, I just need to give you this ticket and be on your way. Keep you know, slow it down next time. And I knew had to pay the ticket. Man, I end up having a lawyer through my job Go to court for me and they beat the ticket for me Like it was. Like I mean, this was like a full hundred dollar ticket with two points, and they end up getting into where I just had to pay a hundred bucks, no points. I was like damn late, Talk about milestones, right, but anyway, man, this has just been another one of Remy's rats.

Speaker 3: 42:18

You know it's not nothing really Big that I wanted to go into. I really just wanted to kind of just rent and Get people some hope, like I got some people on the inside that's coming home so and Better believe, like I'm in a year, like yo, let me give you some game. This is what you need to do before you get out like. This is what you need to do when you first touch down. I didn't help people already why they on the inside, like open up a bank account, like if you got extra money, okay, if it's 20 bucks, like send it home, it, go to your bank account.

Speaker 3: 42:58

Some you can touch down with you know, Some you ain't tempted to like you know, spend it cuz sitting on your books and you want to come here and they or they got a good fundraiser and you want to go in and get it. Like anything I can do to help man. That's what I'm trying to do because I hate the, the statistic story. You know, like came home, went back, came home, went back like that revolving door Actually, just put in a visit application to go see somebody and the first thing to ask me was, like how are you gonna be a good influence on them? Because you know, I'm a fellow myself and it felt really good to write that letter to the warden, to be like you know, you know this is what I got going on, it's what I bring and this is the reason why I'm trying to reach out. That was dope, like for real, and I can't wait to like get back in the prisons. But I gotta go back in there To actually like do programs and stuff, because that's really what I want to do is, like you know, reach the masses. But anyway, that's that's really the gist of it. Man, I'm gonna go ahead and in this, thanks for listening.

Speaker 3: 44:08

Once again, I hope everybody's holidays going well, man, I know looking forward to another month of holidays and I just hope everybody out there blessed man, everybody out there doing well, and if they not, man you know, find the strength to get through it, because it ain't over. You know, one thing I like to tell my guys that I'm talking to on the inside is like the story don't have to end the way it started, you know. So keep your head up, man. Love you all. I'm out Peace.

Speaker 2: 44:46

The lockdown to legacy podcast is proud to be a part of the bus sprout podcast community network. Lockdown to legacy is recorded at Kohatch in their lovely audio file room. Thanks for your scholarship. Audio engineering is done by our very own remy Jones. You can reach us with any feedback, questions, comments or share the love by emailing stories at lockdown, the number two Legacy comm, stories at lockdown to legacy comm. You can reach out there too for a free sticker, and you can find us on Instagram and Twitter with the handle at lockdown to legacy and on Facebook at the lockdown to legacy podcast. Thanks for listening.